I come from a country that is rich in culture and traditions and values.

We have always been taught that parents are our gift from God. That God can’t protect us all the time, so they created parents for us.

Well, we live in 2023, and by now we all have understood the actual significance and consequence of what this belief has created for us.

I don’t talk on account of every family, but a lot of families are quite disjointed and messed up and still, people living in that system say that it’s all normal and that that’s how a family is like.

Love, Respect, and Trust are pure feelings that have no malice in them. So how come a lot of you feel constantly hurt, disrespected, and dismissed by your own family?

We all must acknowledge that there is a problem, to begin with, if we ever want to create a positive change.

Again, I’m not saying anything about a healthy family with healthy boundaries and a system of living, I’m talking about dysfunctional families.

Do you know about that?

Well, let me take you through it as I know quite a few things about dysfunctional families.

We’ll be understanding what a dysfunctional family is, the causes of a dysfunctional family system, the signs of a dysfunctional family system, and how to cope while living with a dysfunctional family.

What Does A Dysfunctional Family Mean?

A dysfunctional family is a term used to describe a family that is not functioning properly, and in which conflict, misbehavior, and often abuse on the part of individual members occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. 

Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. 

Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of a lack of healthy communication and problem-solving skills, as well as a lack of empathy, a lot of conflicts, a lack of communication, a lack of support, a lack of respect among its members, and/or healthy boundaries.

A family that has Dysfunctional families often struggle to meet their members’ emotional and physical needs, leading to a variety of issues including depression, anxiety,(INSERT LINK HERE_DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY CONTENT FROM HEALTH) substance abuse, and more.

Root Causes of Dysfunctional Family System

The root causes of a Dysfunctional Family System include-

Substance abuse:

Substance abuse,(INSERT LINK HERE_The Negative Effects of Drinking on Parent-Child Relationships) including alcohol, drugs, and other addictive behaviors, can cause major disruption in family dynamics and lead to neglect and aggression. When one or more family members are abusing drugs or alcohol, this can create a chaotic and unstable home environment.

Mental illness:

Mental illnesses, such as depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, can cause family members to become overwhelmed and unable to properly care for or communicate with one another. Mental illness can cause the family dynamic to become unbalanced, as the person with the mental illness may struggle to cope in a healthy way.

Poor communication:

Poor communication between family members can lead to misunderstandings that can tear a family apart. When communication breaks down within a family, it can lead to hurt feelings and frustration. This can lead to tension and conflict between family members.

Financial stress:

Financial stress can lead to arguments and resentment between family members, which can cause dysfunction. When a family is struggling financially, this can create tension and anxiety, which can add to the dysfunction of a family. 

Trauma:

Traumatic events, such as death, divorce, or abuse, can cause family members to become emotionally distant and unable to connect with one another. If a family has experienced trauma, such as abuse or violence, this can lead to ongoing issues that can affect the family dynamic. 

Lack of boundaries:

Lack of boundaries within a family can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where family members do not respect each other’s rights and needs. When parents do not set appropriate boundaries with their children, this can lead to behavioral problems, disrespect, and an unhealthy family dynamic.

Parental Conflict:

When parents are unable to resolve their differences, this can lead to an unhealthy home environment for children. 

The Warning Bells of a Dysfunctional Family System

The warning signs of a dysfunctional family system include-

1. Lack of communication: Family members do not talk openly and honestly with each other or lack communication altogether. 

2. Lack of trust: Family members do not feel safe or secure in the family unit, and may not trust one another, leading to conflict and resentment. 

3. Unhealthy roles: Family members take on unhealthy roles in order to maintain an uneasy balance of power, such as a parent who is overly controlling or a child who is treated like the “scapegoat.” 

4. Rigid rules: Family members are expected to adhere to strict rules that lack flexibility and may be based on fear instead of love. 

5. Unresolved conflict: Family members avoid dealing with issues head-on and may “sweep them under the rug,” leading to unresolved feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt. 

6. Poor boundaries: Family members do not respect individual boundaries, such as respecting personal space or respecting each other’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. 

7. Substance abuse: Family members may turn to drugs, alcohol, or other substances in order to cope with the dysfunction in the family. 

8. Poor problem-solving skills: Family members do not have healthy strategies for resolving issues, leading to a lack of problem-solving skills and constructive communication.

Strategies for Managing Difficult Relationships in Dysfunctional Family

Here are a few strategies for coping with a dysfunctional family-

1. Establish healthy boundaries: It’s important to establish and maintain healthy boundaries (INSERT LINK HERE_BUILDING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES) in order to protect yourself from emotional and physical abuse. You don’t have to accept unhealthy behavior from your family. Respect yourself and set boundaries around what you will and won’t tolerate. This means setting clear limits and expectations for how family members should treat you, and how you should be respected by them.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure to prioritize your own needs, including taking time for self-care to reduce stress, engaging in positive activities, and getting enough sleep. 

3. Reach out for help: If you are feeling overwhelmed or unsafe, reach out to a trusted friend or family member for support. It’s also important to seek professional help when needed, such as therapy or counseling. 

4. Practice self-compassion: Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel like you’re not coping well. Acknowledge your feelings and practice self-compassion to help you through difficult times. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can.

5. Focus on the positive: Try to focus on the positive aspects of your family and the times you’ve felt connected, even if they’re few and far between.

6. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Take a moment to acknowledge how you feel about your family situation. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. 

7. Communicate: Communicate (INSERT LINK HERE_Building Strong Communication with Your Child) your feelings and needs to your family. Speak up about what is bothering you. 

8. Spend Time Alone: Take time for yourself to relax and recharge. Find activities that are calming and enjoyable, such as yoga, reading, or taking a walk. 

9. Seek Support: Find a support system of friends, family, or a therapist. Having someone to talk to can help you cope with your situation. 

Conclusion

Dysfunctional families are often the result of addictions, rigid and inflexible rules, and the lack of a parental figure.

I just want you guys to understand this one thing that a dysfunctional family is often supposed to be normalized in our community saying things like, it’s our culture, tradition, and whatnot.

But If something doesn’t feel right to you, you have the right to say and feel it’s not right.

Don’t abandon your perception of reality.